real romance is not taking it up the ass...

valentines day has passed (thank god) and no longer am i assaulted every step outside of my apartment with all things red and shaped like hearts with little smiling boys with arrows. don't get me wrong: any holiday that celebrates chocolate and red roses can't be bad, it's the notion behind it. the idea that this one day, we show the people that we love that we love them. shouldn't we be doing that everyday? 


i laugh every time i hear a slurred "i love you!"  I crack up when watching a movie and during a passionate love scene (because it's always when they are making love, not fucking) and a 50 piece orchestra sounds in the back. it's the sappy, over the top love-isms that really get me going. i am all for romance victorian style- a lingering look, a simple caress when no one is looking, the face of a mask but eyes filled with desire. yum. forget penthouse, jane ausitin had it all.


this year, i had something extra special to look forward to. for the past two months, my upstairs neighbors have been getting it on so much and so loud, i am convinced that they are trying out for porn. they have no set schedule- the stomp through out the apartment during the day and either watch tv so loud i can hear it in the shower or fuck like bunnies at night. they never leave. i have woken up at 5am on a monday to the sounds of her moaning and his hips hitting her ass. i have gone in my bed room at 1 pm to get ready for work and hear him grunt his release. i thank god they have sturdy furniture. it has gotten so bad that i can even time it, knowing when it will end. porno has nothing on these two.


so naturally, with the most 'romantic' day of all looming around the bed, i braced myself for the screams, the grunts and the skin-to-skin contact. to my pleasure, i heard nothing. even on the day of love, miss jenna jameson-in-training wasn't getting rammed up the ass. i guess he finally decided to settle on some real romance.


i think for my parting gift for my neighbors, i am going to get them a tube of anal lube, a ball gag and a copy of 'pride and prejudice.'